Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I understand Curling. That high.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
