I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
