____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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