I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
