I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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