I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Damn victory sex feels great
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
