just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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