Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
honey bunches of taint.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
