Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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