Yo dont text me then not text me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She bit a glass in half.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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