K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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