Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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