Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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