I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
