Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
