There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
