Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
be right there i have to get my cape
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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