I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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