alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
