I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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