you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize