we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
