I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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