Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
