i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
