i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
