Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
