I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
