She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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