1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
