We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
