You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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