if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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