Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just pee around me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
