im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize