dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
