mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
