Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
