'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize