Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
