i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
