im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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