my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
