My underwear smells like fireworks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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