My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
