Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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