I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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