When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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