the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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