it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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