just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
