Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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