I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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