At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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