im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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