There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
