Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize