Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
