Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
