I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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