What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
