im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
