just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
