i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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