who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
