I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
