We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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