Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
