Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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