He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
