this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
