I think my vagina is haunted
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
